Nature doesn't need me

Inside my head

I have come to believe that it is not nature that needs me for it to survive, that as I am very much a part of nature, it is I that can not survive without it. With that, every day is a struggle, a fight to retrieve what humans once had, what I once had, as a child, with the freedom to roam the wild as if I were one with it.

This need is selfishly driving my desperation to save the more-than-human world, when ironically it is man who depletes and displaces anything living that does not fit in a box made from synthetic chemicals derived from death and destruction.

A little speck am I in this vastness, I stand on my humanness as a saviour, a warrior with no training, no resources to fight a battle I have already lost. I am worn out with all the knowing before I can even do all the doing.

Here I sit in my manmade box, trapped by my own limitations, a hefty weight of responsibility I have placed upon my shoulders, to battle alone when I know so deeply that nature never walks alone, each creature, being, working in unison every second of the day; all while I wear loneliness like a medal in honour of capitalist fathers.

I often wonder if I feel more than the emotions of my kin, like I am physically restrained, as if I, too, am caught in a hunter’s trap with no means to be released and only death to ease my pain.

Yet, somewhere within me, the same determination to survive that is innate in every one of my wild kin drives me to wipe my frustrated tears, breathe the air that is left in this man-made space, and continue by any means possible to set free the gifts that were given to me by nature.

For those living the daily battle, as a more than human being who feels deeply and is so very often paralysed by the enormity of love, compassion and guardianship contained within, that she forgets to allow herself to shine alongside her magical wild kin. Please SHINE x

love and magic,